Archive for February, 2009

for no other reason than me currently being on a down swing.

For those of you who don’t know, i have what is known as SADs (Seasonal Affective Disorder), which basically means, whenever i have a prolonged period without sun, i get very very depressed. Now, being in Wales, not having a lot of sun is quite common. We have cloudy days quite often and as it’s not even spring yet we have only had maybe two bright days in the last few months.
Winter is a very bad time for SADs (obviously) but i’m coping alright i think. I get maybe one or two really bad days every few weeks/months, but this is a 24/7 365 disorder. Summer in Wales can mean rainy days for weeks on end. And just as an added kicker, i get migraines from the sun. Yes, my life is ruled by the imps of the perverse.

I do have to thank my parents for noticing my condition though. It didn’t used to be quite as bad as it is now, but they were attentive enough to notice that my usual teenage rioting happened worse in winter than summer, and that i was generally happier in summer too. they pointed this out to me and i started taking a herbal supplement – St. John’s Wort – and i’ve been mostly ok since.

I basically thought i’d tell you how my usual depressed days go… just in case you ever needed the information.

I’ll get up and feel generally run down. Usually i’ll feel tired even if i’ve slept enough, and sometimes i’ll have a headache. I’ll generally start concentrating on my faults, have a shorter temper than usual, and as soon as i do one thing wrong (for instance, today i started my new exercise dvd and freaked when i couldn’t work out one of the steps) i’ll either start wanting to cry (yes, i’m actually SAD enough to cry over an exercise dvd…get it? SAD/sad? never mind) or i’ll start freaking out over all my small faults, and how i can’t do anything right etc etc. which then makes me spiral into that wonderful self destructive loop.

What happens next for me is a lengthy call to my poor fiance who has to put up with me being moody for absolutely no reason (yay for medical problems) and is then tasked with the job of cheering me up.

It’s really hard to be “cheered up” from what i call an “episode” for the sheer fact that i’m still depressed. I’m actually meant to be really happy right now. Yesterday i got some really good grades back from my assignments. There was a crisis with the house i’m meant to be moving into next year, but i fixed it. I’m only a few months away from about 6 months off of work so i can finish writing etc. It’s all good, and yet my brain is going “it’s all bad.”

It is a really odd feeling to know you are meant to be feeling happy, but actually feeling like half a million things just went wrong and the world is about to end.

Of course the depression always helps me do the emotional scenes in my writing…in fact some of my best work from when i was younger was written in what i now know was a depressed down swing. I believe there is a study somewhere that shows people with psychological disorders like depression and bipolarism actually have a corresponding talent or interest in creative fields – such as writing and art.

I know if i practice long enough (and believe me, recently i’ve been getting a lot of practice) i can control the SADs and actually use it to my advantage with my writing….but i’m not there yet. Maybe some day after university is over and i don’t have as much pressure in the academic sense i can concentrate on getting the full potential of my writing unleashed, but for now i have to put up with my brain going “you suck at EVERYTHING” every time it’s a little cloudy.

for not blogging. Who knew i was that entertaining?
Anywho.

I don’t really have anything interesting to say so i’ll tell you about my dream last night.

It was about zombies.
Read the rest of this entry »

more music charts

In other news, a shockingly small amount of people have downloaded my ebook! it’s FREE and it’s short. So take a look at the post underneath and download a copy!

For the last two years the Romance Divas have had an E-Book Challenge that provides free stories on Valentine’s day. This year i’m lucky enough to be part of it!
See the details under the jump:
Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday someone searched for “aj o’donovan romance” and found me!! i feel all famous. So to that person who searched for me “HI!” and thank you, you made my day.

And as a small side note, the post earlier today was my 100th one. Cool huh?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52elXqffolQ&hl=en&fs=1]

I love natural disasters that threaten to destory the entire planet….it makes life seem so worth living, don’t you agree?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syTYZjOM1hk&hl=en&fs=1]

check out this article about a prehistoric giant snake!
Pretty cool, huh.

because i have nothing significant to say. (Well ok, i wrote over 1k last night and i’ve already worked out what comes next in the story. i’ve got a really good feeling about this one.)

45 things (sorry about the caps, i can’t be arsed changing it):

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after a character in a book – Ayla from the Earth’s Children Series by Jean M Auel. We’re all still waiting for the sixth book. (and as i’m 20 we’ve been waiting a while…the fifth one came out back when i was about 12)
Read the rest of this entry »

One of the most commonly asked questions to a writer is “where do you get your ideas from?” The answer changes from writer to writer and sometimes, from moment to moment.
I can listen to a song hundreds of times and never get anything but musical enjoyment out of it. But all it takes is the right mood or the right moment to listen to the lyrics and take something away from it for a story. I’ve done it so often i can’t tell you all the songs i’ve gotten inspiration from.
Recently i’ve been listening to music that i started liking years and years ago. Some are from ten years ago, some from five, but they’ve been really helping my new YA (young adult) idea. I remember what i was like back then, and what i took from the music and it’s really helping me firm up some ideas in my mind. Of course, music is completely different nowadays!

Anyway, i’ll leave you with this song which i loved in High School by Ghost of the Robot:
Read the rest of this entry »